Been living abroad for two years now and in the past year, perpetual race related prejudices, racial disparities and police brutality have been progressively getting worse throughout the United States.
You may have read in one of my previous posts that I am Tanzanian-American; however, I am still affected by these incidents that are happening in a place I consider my second home due to direct impact of colonialism living in Tanzania and racially influenced experiences living in America .
With what some may call as the genocide, and others may call the down right racially influenced, senseless killings of blacks people on a national scale in America, I'm trying to figure it out just as well. We can identify the root cause, the aftermath and its effect, but what's the solution?
I am stuck on what's next regardless of how many posts are encouraging black unity and attempts to re-instill black pride. This is not to take away the relevance and solidity in the message because it is powerful and often times very necessary, but I've come to learn time and time again, that "this" is so deeply rooted as systemic.
The last time I blogged was November of 2014. I have vlogged a few times since then about my life in Korea, but not much. It's currently July 2015 now, only 4 months shy from making it a full year. Sure, I have since written some personal and reflective pieces on my challenges, revelations, and growth, but for me and at this time, they're too private to share on my blog. It could be because of my struggle with vulnerability (I have a difficult time, privately and especially publicly, speaking on the true matters of my heart and sharing my most intimate thoughts). Granted, there will be some experiences that are too personal and should be kept private (you're the best judge of that) but it seems I am progressively becoming more and more reserved in what and who I share with. Perhaps that's just part of the process that naturally comes with maturing or a direct result of my inability to connect beyond the surface with most of the people I meet here.
Despite my reservations on what to share and not share publicly, I have been struggling with what at first seemed as writer's block. For months now, I have been unable to come up with anything to write. Even though I started this blog because of EPIK and my then, new journey of life in Korea, I am no longer with EPIK and this journey is no longer feeling "new." I'm sure there are plenty of blogs out there on what it's typically like working at a hagwon and because I've had so many frustrations working at mine and I'm still employed here, this may not be the appropriate time to express those frustrations. Living in Korea as a second year vet has made some of my most annoying cultural differences stand out a lot less , which makes me feel as though my experiences have become too casual to blog about.
Do people really want to know what it's like to get lost in Seoul? or how excited I was to discover Almond Breeze and how intrigued I am with (insert many weird fascinations here) ? In fact, I don't even think I want to give people full access to EVERYTHING that I do in Korea. Daily blogs and vlogs have never been my thing and maybe that may change in the future but I believe it's more likely not to (I'm sensitive with my energy consumption and expansion). Whatever this is, whether writer's block, loss of inspiration, or lack in creativity...it has seriously made me reconsider this blog and its purpose.
Part of me is a little sad at the thought of letting it go, especially considering how much of myself I have invested in it. It feels like I'm giving up on something that could possibly have so much potential to grow into something more than just a blog of my life here, but also serve as a platform for something else, even more purposeful. I also seem to have forgotten about those of you who are not necessarily interested in the general advice on how to work and live in Korea but in my personal experiences and bearing witness to the changes that take place in other areas of my life. I do have a few different ideas and projects in mind I'd like to work on and at least two more posts I'd like to share. Clearly, this seems to be just another reflection piece, considering that I'm in a place of transition with my job ending in September and being unsure of what's to come next. I'll keep you updated, in a another 6 or 7 months....seems to be my trend lately anyway!